A stomache bug kept me away from the pc yesterday, but today I'm back, drugged up to my eyeballs and motivated to give you the best of my "expertise" (ahem) on the Magic that is Eurovision (with a Capital for Magic, indeed). We'll be talking about why wolves die alone, what's going on in the mirada interior and why. I'm sure I'll make you day and give you some cool vibes.
And this must have been the lamest intro ever written!
On with the show!
- Finland: Geir Rønning - Why
Wahey! Jari Silanpää will be giving the results of the Finnish votes this year. Let's hope he's wearing his cockring again this year. But Mr Rönning will probably do a tad better than good old Jari. It's another ballad (we haven't had one of those in a while, have we), but I, for one, like it. The Girlfriend is not convinced, asking "what the hell is that" from behind her laptop. It's Finland sweetie, Finland. It will need some mood-lighting to set the right atmosphere but it can't do any worse than say...the million other ballads this year.
- F.Y.R. Macedonia: Martin Vucic - Make my day

First of all, why does Macedonia still call itself the "Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia". It seems like showing off to me. Unless they just do it to have people stumble over their words when having to say the name. Martin is the grandson of a famous bagpipe player. Well woohoo. Perhaps it should be the "Former Scottish Republic" then? Apart from the cute boy (on photo at least) there's not much to this song. And talk about lying when he says "I’m not the man to be/Your cuddly toy/I’m the boy/Who will break up with you/To be free". Lookatthecuty! Didn't your mummy ever tell you not to lie. Naughty boy!
- Andorra: Marian - La Mirada Interior"
It's big-boobed blondes time again in Andorra. And I'm sorry straight gents (who am I kidding?), no photo of her. You'll have to visit the official site for that. Marian (Van der Wal) is (visibly) Dutch (Glennis the second), but apparently sings in Spanish without a Dutch accent. Let's hope so. I like this song. It's ethnic-y, Spanish-y, threatening-y and a lot of other things. I hope they made the music a bit stronger than it is on the version I have, that would make the song even better.
- Switzerland: Vanilla Ninja - Cool vibes
Le Feux de Perrie can write books on "Vanilla Ninja" having been a massive fan of their Kungfu Club a while back (one year? two years?), which stranded in some national final. All four of them Estonian, they're one of those groups who enter every national final in Europe and don't really care which country they represent (an idea for Alcazar me thinks), as long as they can take part in Eurovision. Bless them. Sounds like a career choice for me as well, doesn't it. Their English is fabulous, you think they're singing about the first Gulf War ("Kuwait, why don't you kill me") then it turns out they're actually saying "cool vibes, why don't you kill me". Ah well. You can't have it all. Trashy, dressed in leather and simple, I'm obviously a fan. - Croatia: Boris feat. Lado members - Wolves die alone

Aaaaaaack! My favourite country of past years sends an ugly man to Eurovision! What will they do about their traditional striptease now. Please, please don't do it!
And he doesn't even sing in sexy Croatian! For that alone you must be severely punished, you prick!
Apparently Boris is one of the best Croatian pop composers. Whatever that may mean, composers should write songs and then have people with some charisma sing them. Can we agree to that? The choir (Lado?) tries to save this song, but to no avail.
Piglet is severely, severely disappointed in her sweet Croatia!
Welcome back to tonight's most annoying ballad/wannabe-powerballad show. I'm Belgian, I'm allowed to be cruel about this. There are just no words. I've heard he's planning on wearing a suede carpet-patterned suit (this is becoming a theme), he's microscopically clipping his beard and he's going to have a sex change live on stage.
COME ON COME ON COME ON! LOVE IS ALL OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVER ME (over me)! It's on to this year's winner (unless I just doomed them) because this song is fan-bloody-tastic. Over the top 80s "rock" (think "The Darkness" and "Europe") with silver spandex trousers and top hats! Could this be any better? Well, they throw in some black lipstick as well. I rest my case.






