Go on...

Apparently there's a big chance that the law for adoptive rights for gay couples could be approved in September.
A very small "woohoo" (there'll be a big "woohoo" when it's in print with twenty-odd signatures on it).

Apparently the "Belgian bishops are very worried about this". Yes. Because fuck scientific research that shows that children who grow up with same-sex parents are just as "stable" or "unstable" as any other child, their little prejudice is far more important and truthful. Twits.

I'll go back to my voltaren-high now.

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shiver

Your back! (good god y'all) what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! (say it again). Your back!..
Woke up this morning with some back pain. Not that uncommon for me -I am rather tall people tell me-, but as I bent down in the bathroom to pick up the knickers something I'd thrown on the floor, this searing pain went through me. Standing up hurts. Sitting down hurts. Stairs hurt like a bitch. Walking hurts. Twitching hurts. Everything bloody hurts.
Why did I go to work? I don't know, I should've been sensible and headed to the doctor rightaway. I persisted till 2pm. My colleagues didn't notice a thing (not even when I dragged a pillow upstairs) until I moved the table trying get up from lunch. At 2pm I cancelled my last appointment and headed home. Took me about 10 minutes to get out of the car (the neighbours can start their gossip about "that alcoholic in number 157"), the girlfriend is very sweet (yet sees the funny side of my predicament "you're a bit pathetic-looking now honey") and I'm heading for the doctor later tonight. On a few conditions though:
1. That I have something that can be cured overnight, or at least in a few days, since I can't afford to be fired (we can't have the burnout-replacement ill for a month now can we).
2. No crap about "specialists" and the like
2. That I get drugs. The Good Stuff baby.
There. I've stated my case. Now it's up to the defense expert.

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Whining

- at work: "alright then, you can lead the meeting" (a meeting with all parties concerning an erm... child situation). Piglet grabs all her courage together, determined to make this work. After all, it can't be that difficult can it. The Colleage goes on "I'll give the introduction, since I was at the last meeting". Which she does. Not to shut up again. Next time I guess.
- at home I realise we're double-booked for Saturday. Dinner party and birthday party. Crap.

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Puzzle

I got my tax form today.
I don't understand a word of it!
I'm even lost at part A "personal situation". Not to mention the stuff that's actually about money. Do they make it this complicated on purpose or is it just me that's stupid?
I suppose I could should just give it to someone with accountant brains, but a part of me (the silly part) really wants to understand this. I want to know how to fill it in, I want to pretend to be clever.
I think I might need help.

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For it is the weekend

Off to the seaside yesterday (with photos), after much nagging from the sweetie. It went from nice and warm, yet windy to bitter cold (and windy), so in the evening the Girlfriend and I each put on one of Le Feux' adidas sweaters and went to get chips in the dyke-chipshop. Lesbians in Ostend! We ate them while watching (in succession) Junior ESC 2003 (the parts we could handle), Eurovision 2000 (what a bad year) and 2001 (ditto). We're holding on for 1999 and 2002. My subtle hints towards Le Feux about his compilation CDs of said bad years ("oh, I don't have those... would be interesting to hear those in the car... to work... every single day... two hours...") were not picked up. Damn. I must refine my technique!

Today was a scary day so far. The Girlfriend slept till 2pm after which we went to the jumble sale that's taking place in our street (it's a long street). It must have been the scariest experience of my life. The Girlfriend was scared to take pictures in case she'd get beaten up by people who didn't know what "that clicky machine" (a camera) was... Poor, poor thing. I felt like the only lesbian in the village...

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Erm, yesterday...

I did not sleep well.
Not only did the girlfriend hop into bed around 1.30 giggling things like "the L word" and "I'm not tired yet" (to which I probably grunted "tough" and tried to sleep on) I was also awoken at 3am by .. a bloody mosquito. And you can take "bloody" literally since it bit me on the arm. My first mosquito bite of the season. Which is not fair, since the girlfriend's usually the mosquito-magnet, having much yummier blood than me. Of course with that bite also comes the girlfriend's first "mosquito hunt" of the season, going as far as to drag me off the toilet to steal my slipper and try (to no avail) to kill the beast. When that didn't work she stumbled about trying to plug in the "chemical weapon of mosquito destruction", meanwhile unplugging all the other electrical equipment in the bedroom.
It was not a peaceful night's sleep, no.

(This was written at work yesterday. But I forgot my floppy... so here we are)

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Face

She keeps staring next to my nose when she looks at me. I'll be telling her something and she'll look into my eyes, but slowly her attention will switch... and it's not to my boobs. Ditto when we kiss. I can just feel her staring. Staring. Staring.
Apparently a "huge" "black" "thing" has taken up residence on my cheek, next to my nose. I have to say that I've never seen said "thing" till it was pointed out to me by my helpful girlfriend. She's obsessed by it. I'm scared I'll wake up one night to find her hovering over me ... as she's watching the "thing"...
I'm not safe in my own house anymore!

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It's been a while...

I think I'll watch my Eurovision 2005-tape tonight...

Meanwhile the fun is not over, you can vote for the Barbara Dex award (the award for the worst dressed artist at Eurovision) until Tuesday evening. The site comes with photos for those with bad memories.

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Eurovision 2005 Final

(For the obsessed, here's the preview)

Setting: Casa Piglet & Merlina. Photo of Nuno Resende with black border. Adjusted lyrics to Le Grand Soir (« Il est trop tard »). Banner with international flags (including USA and Canada… it came that way in the shop!). Additional paper flags for waving (Germany, Greece). Food. Booze. Score sheets.
Photographic proof again on flickr
Ingredients: two poofs, two dykes and one guinea pig: a straight woman with no love for Eurovision (not bribed into coming).
the trends: Boobs and Drums. Most acts will have one or both of these ingredients on display (pun not intended). In fact the only countries who don’t have either of these elements are Hungary, Malta, Denmark, Germany, Switzerland, Latvia and France. That means 18 others count on this. 8 countries have an act based solely on “ethnic-y” drums. That’s a tad too much to be original, me thinks. Who set this trend anyway?
Andre and Anja (the Belgian Terry Wogans) are in their commenting seets.

Let the show begin….

Masha and Pasha look even more ridiculous than they did for the semi and that’s saying something. Still, it must be hard to live up to the reputation of countless other bad duo-presentations before you.

1. Hungary: Nox – Forogj Vilag
Good old André tells us exactly the same thing as he did for the semis. Mightily interesting. We still don’t understand why the singer is wearing one long trouser leg and a short one. The music and singing is a lot better than on the night of the semis. Our token Straight person is mildly interested. One of the poofs comments that people will think this was still part of the Ukranian opening act. I like it.

2. United Kingdom: Javine – Touch my fire
Thin-faced girl has a Madonna-style gap between her teeth, which endeared me to her immediately. Sung a lot better than I’d thought it would be. There’s boobs. Were there drums though, I can’t remember now? There is a horny slutty knee-dance though. I liked this better than I did on the CD, but I feared (and turned out right) that it would go very “Xandee”. It’s a nice song, but it doesn’t stand out. There’s no drums. And it gets dull after 1.5 minutes.

3. Malta: Chiara – Angel
Urgh. Collective sigh of bliss on my sofa, and of course I’m the only one who sees sense. Yes, the woman can sing, and yes, she’s wearing a sparkly dress. I know it’s a relief not to have boobs shoved in your face for once and the lack of drums is also refreshing, but come on…this is boring. The Ukranians are going out of their minds over this and the consensus in the living room is that this will win. Please, spare me. Though I do fancy a trip to Malta next year…

4. Romania: Luminita Anghel & Sistem: Let me try
Woa, both boobs AND drums. And the boobs nearly fall out of her corset. That’s bound to get some votes from perverts us. Anja likes it, which is a very big minus, there’s illegal fire (disqualify! Disqualify!) and too many “thank yous” afterwards. Found out later that this won the semi final. Well, it’s nice enough, but I’m not that impressed.

5. Norway: Wig Wam – In my dreams
Poor Norway, stuck in an extraordinarily bad position, in between a whole lot of other up-tempo songs. I was terribly glad to see the Botox seemed to have worn off by now because the man seems actually capable of facial expressions. He hasn’t shaven off his chest hair yet though. Our Straight Guest is very impressed and determined to give this her 12. Tsk, show the woman some chest hair and she’s on fire! Our esteemed singer also seems to have erm.. grown.. in the crotch area. I remember us looking for his dick in the semis, but now it seems present. Now, you might call me shallow, but what do you expect, when wearing spandex?

6. Turkey: Gülsersen – Rimi Rimi Ley
According to André “Rimi rimi Ley” means “shoobidoobidoo” or something alike. Sure, André, you keep telling yourself that. Too many colours assault me and the woman’s been taking too much Prozac this week. All the shouting makes me think of Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge. There is such a thing as “too enthusiastic” Gülseren… Loved the song, but the performance ruined part of it for me. Still. At least there were drums.

7. Moldova: Zdob Si Zdub – Bonita Bate Doba
Moldova gets points for naked manchest, tonight especially with bodypainting. No chest hair, which means our straight guest changes her twelve on sight. The granny is hilarious. What a smile. What a woman! What a set of drums!

8. Albania: Ledina Celo – Tomorrow I go
A big disappointment to see she wasn’t wearing the “plucked chicken” wedding dress. Damn. Sure, there were still boobs on display, but not as much as one would have expected. I don’t get the fake-violins-joke, but that could just be me. Or just be Albania. The singing’s actually decent, but why do the backings start a round of “who can jump the highest”? There’s a Sertab ribbon and some female-on-male buggering of the drummer. Anja and the straight guest think this sucks. It’s ok for me.

9. Cyprus: Constantinos Christoforou – Ela Ela
Oh Constantinos! Oh Constantinos! I know you’re a tad Sakis the Second, but to me you’re so much more than that. I love you! You’ve got my 12! I love this song and this act. There's a "fire-desire"-rhyme! The women are hotter, the men are hotter, the mirror thingies are… mirror thingies, there’s a glitter-glove, drumming and… oh I just love it. The living room starts chanting “take off your shirt”, which he doesn’t… .Bastard. Ladies and gentlemen, that just cost him a place in the top ten. You should’ve listened to us Constantinos. You really should have. The straight voice in our living room isn’t wild about this. Tsk. Some people have no culture I guess.

10. Spain: Son de Sol - Brujeria
Well, where’s the promised choreography on this? Yes, there’s tits and there’s spanish skirts. There’s even a sad “Sergio”-lookalike with sunglasses (where’s the sun in the hall, you prick?) but is this it? Really? Honestly? Aargh. The blue girl tries to turn the vote around by shaking her boobs so hard they nearly fall out, but to no avail. We’re not impressed.

11. Israel : Shiri Maymon – The silence that remains
Oh Shiri! Shiri! Shiri Shiri Ley la ley la Shiri Ley. Ahem. Sorry. I’ve still not recovered from that dress, that arse, those boobs, that voice, that language… I nearly smothered the TV set with kisses, thankfully the presence of other people kept me from it. The girlfriend sat with her mouth open (probably very similar to my state), and even the others could “appreciate” this song. I voted for this, thinking nobody else would. How wrong was I. But Jerusalem is probably a tad too dangerous to visit… ah well. My hormones thank you, Shiri.

12. Serbia & Montenegro: No name – Zauvijek Moja
Apparently there was nearly a new war over this election as the Montenegran jury declined to vote for the Serbian entry in the national final, causing this (montenegro) entry to go to Eurovision. Ooh-er. Peace and love indeed. Now I know I’m a bit of a “Balkan-slut” (as Poof n° 1 called it) and easily impressed by anything that sounds remotely former-Yugoslavic, so I did like this. I know the choreography was crap. Six of them, the biggest queen in gold trousers, two sang –practically hand in hand-, two waved their arms about and two drummed on highly original ethnic-y drums (everyone has their talents I suppose), they forgot to take their Rilatin (calm down lads, calm down) and it all went nowhere, but I still love this song. So shoot me.

13. Denmark: Jakob Sveistrup – Talking to you
This I just don’t get. A ginger bloke with a pink shirt and orange shoes (stylist, helloooooo!), some “funny” interaction with the backing singers, an “ocean”-handmove when he sings “ocean” and this gets millions of votes? What the fuck?! The straight person liked this, so I can only guess they’re the culprits behind this abomination. Shame on you, heterosexuals!

14.Sweden: Martin Stenmarck – Las Vegas
Martin, darling, don’t you know we’ve heard this song a million times before? The dance routine as well? Our Straight person (and bloody Anja) might find you goodlooking, but no poof fancies you. You get points for the “limo drive”-dance you did with your sluts backing dancers (and why am I never allowed to do that on parties, eh Girlfriend?!It’s cool! Martin did it! He’s in Eurovision! I can do it too, I know I can!!), but that’s where it ends. Oh, and the lightsaber microphone was cool as well. Sorry.

15. Macedonia: Martin Vucic – make my day
Oh, bless him. He’s so like a 16-year-old straight boy that gets to go to his first party, shaking his fist in the air, dancing like a wooden… woodenthing. “Yeah! Make my day! Get away! Whoohoo!” I doubt if he even knows what he’s singing. And look, there’s a drumset. I bet no one can imagine what will follow here… oh yeah, he starts playing them. Ah well. His backing dancers seem a tad less slutty than in the semi, but that might be because I’m used to the slutfest by now.

16. Ukraine: Greenjolly – Razom nas bahato, nas nye podolaty
Woohoo! Politics at Eurovision. I felt this came across very well, the handcuffs (always a hit in certain crowds… I noticed our poof guests going quiet), the rap, the flat high notes. I honestly did think this would do better. I mean, there’s the fabulous Ukranenglish for one! How can people not be impressed?

17. Germany: Gracia – Run and Hide
hang on, I thought she was a blonde? According to Poofguest 1 she coloured her hair for Eurovision, to fit the song. Well, I can understand that. There’s the bra and leather jacket, reverting the Girlfriend to nothing more than a drooling mass, but that’s where it ends. Bleurgh. Boring.

18. Croatia: Boris fr Lado – Vukovi Umiro Sami
I really wish André would stop saying this song is called “wolves die alone”, it makes it so cheap. I know that’s what it means but as long as you listen to the Croatian you have no clue what it’s about anyway. Poofguest 1 thought it was necessary to disturb this song (Balkan Slut!-Piglet again) with the narrative of how the Lado members were sheep, dancing and happy, until the wolf came. Causing much shouting and hysterics. And even the drummer doing his handstand in the end seemed understandable if you heard he was “trying to get the wolf out of the well”.

19. Greece: Helena – My number one
As I said before I wasn’t sure about this song, but yeah, the choreography was brilliant. It all just fitted. Sexy dancers (orgasming poofs), sirtaki, diva-esque gold dresses (not to mention the fact that Helena already took part in Eurovision a few years ago with another poof-favourite, Antique’s “Die for you”), a gimmick, good singing. The second (only the second?!) Fire-desire"-rhyme this year. Yep, we have a winner. Athens is nice enough isn’t it. It’ll make it all rather more “cultural”. Besides, they’ve been taking part in Eurovision for some 30 years now and have never won. They deserve a break. Go Greece!

20. Russia: Natalia Podolskaya - Nobody hurt no one
Dyke in slutty clothes! Dyke in slutty clothes! In a skirt no less. Well, that gets her one point. I guess we’re just waiting for someone to throw a bomb on stage here in the Ukraine. She loses points for wearing the ugliest boobs-dress of the evening though.

21. Bosnia & Herzegovina: Feminnem - Call me
“Abba!” our Straight Guest exclaimed, glad to show she also had some Eurovision knowledge “Abba’s taking part again”. “Erm, Charlotte Nilsson actually” Poof One corrected her. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t Feminnem. And where’s the point in having a girlband if all girls are blonde and you can’t tell them apart? Some better manufacturing was expected. It nearly comes to violence when André calls Deen (last year’s entry) “embarrassing”. Embarrassing??? How dare you, you old queen! I’m physically held back from flying to the Ukraine to go kick his arse. Nobody messes with Deen! Nobody! Poof-don’t-want-to-be-a-guest sends a text message: “Bosnia wins”. We’ll see. We’ll see.

22. Switzerland: Vanilla Ninja – Cool vibes
And again André tells us how this song is about a tiger, a friend yet a dangerous animal. What the fuckety fuck? A tiger? Are there Tigers in Estonia Switzerland? There’s still the lesbian-singing-in-one-microphone-moment, and at one point I fear the stage will burst into flames. Smoke comes up from behind the singer. Aack. That’s why we have firework rules, sweet Estonians! Don’t let this win though. Please!

23. Latvia: Walters and Kazha – the war wur is not over
Ok, so they’re two cute gay boys, fresh out of school, cavorting in the park all Beautiful Thing-like, discovering their love for one another. In the mean time they’ve also been taught the guitar and sign language from the lone deaf kid in their estate (and boy did that sign language look filthy, is everyone sure they translated what they were singing?). They know a tiny bit of dance moves and are blissfully shy. I get all this. But does this mean they have to nearly win?! Are you out of your mind, Europe! Of course they’re cute gay boys, this is bloody Eurovision! What did you expect?! I should slap some sense in all of you!

24. France: Ortal - Chacun pense a soi
Looking like a hot dyke in one photo (with suit) does not mean you can change into a mustard-coloured horror and still get the dyke vote, sweetie. I’m a sucker for French songs and the fact that your sad choreography ruined this is something I don’t take kindly to. What’s with the air-boxing? And the cheap kitchen chairs? Macedonia last year got some design chairs, honey, not something out of the cafetaria!

And all this means the Big 4 are now the Bottom 4… and, perhaps apart from the UK (though she did deserve a place in the bottom half), that’s where they deserved to be. I wonder what this will mean. Furious threats of witholding money? Bitching about political voting and the format of Eurovision?
I don’t know.
But about that political thing, to me this was the least-politically voted Eurovision in ages. People actually looked embarrassed when voting for their neighbours and there was massive boo-ing. And it’s natural that countries like the ex-Yugoslavia know each other’s artists and thus are more inclined to vote for them. That’s just the way it is. And Turkey actually voted for Greece. I rest my case.

All I know is I inted to go to Greece next year. I always wanted to go to Greece, and I always wanted to go to Eurovision. Now who can get me a press card?

(And in case you’re interested, in our living room Norway and Hungary won with Greece and Malta second. The girlfriend posted the full top ten.)

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Results from the semi

- Poland was 11th (poor Poland)
- Portugal got really high scores! Why? Why??? Sorry, this I don't get, that's just impossible.
- Belgium was 22nd
- Lithuania undeservedly was last.

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Eurovision semi final

Ingredients:
Poofs of different shapes, sizes and flavours, a girlfriend, 3 cats (scared of all the noise -the people, not the music-), a TV set, food, drink (some people needed to get pissed to numb the feeling of watching Eurovision... tsk, amateurs), an evening gown (well, it was Le Grand Soir after all), flags of diverse countries, a huge Belgian flag, a photo of Nuno Resende - in front of a candle, for praying-, a VCR set to record, the lyrics to "le grand soir" (for brainwashing purposes) and score sheets.
(photos of all this can be found on my brand-new flickr account -if it feels like working"

Results: A shocking result! That's what! If Portugal got through, I couldn't have been more surprised. And was it just my TV set (perhaps some tortured soul turning the volume down when I didn't see) or Ukranian technology, but did other people also have the sound go very very low during some parts of the show?
Last year I felt there were too many good songs in the semi and the final itself was a bit of let-down compared to that. This year most people in my living room had trouble finding 10 entries they liked enough to give points to. I, of course, had 11...

But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's rewind to...
Austria
Honestly sweeties, what were you thinking, entering Eurovision dressed as if you're going to the gym. Tracksuits are all good and well, but they don't match on a sparkly stage, especially not if there's to be tango-yodelling. The singer was sexier than I'd thought she'd be (I'd imagined her to look like Blue Café's singer, last year), but there were no lederhosen. What a missed opportunity!

Lithuania
Oh, it's recycling in action! Didn't we also see this dress on Lena, Sweden's entry last year? If she was wearing any less we'd have... well... she'd probably have been arrested. By the army in one of the "postcards" of the evening. Because what was with those postcards anyway? Usually countries show off their touristic places, Ukraine being ... well, the Ukraine, went and showed a dog, old people and their army. Nice. But this was meant to have been about Lithuania? The fact that I've been babbling about anything but the song probably shows that it just didn't stand out enough. Though it's by no means bad. Oh, but the Axl Rose "cousin It"-lookalike guitarist? No thanks.

Portugal
And never have I been so glad to see a country as Portugal get on stage. It was my personal guarantee that this year at least, we wouldn't be last. This was worse than Jemini! (I'm sure they exclaimed that themselves, from their sofas in the UK) And the clothes! Oh the skirts and the ... oh my. Fabulous! It was worse than anyone could've imagined, which made it fan-tas-tic. One for the books I think (rather like Piero last year (Switzerland) hitting himself in the face with his microphone. "Celebrate let's -thump- celebrate!")

Moldova
We knew this would score. Especially when he said, in faultless Moldovenglish "ladies and gentlemens...". And friends enlightened me that Moldova used to be part of the USSR. That's right, I forgot. Grandma was fabulous. What a woman! What a smile! I declare her my pin-up for 2005! It saved a rather average, yet funny, song and turned it into Alf Poier -2005.

Latvia
I suppose *subtle* homo-eroticism will do well in Eurovision. There's just no other way of explaining this song's success. They stood suspiciously close together at one point and sang lovingly at each other (and no, I was not the only one who noticed that), the poofs were drooling over the guy on the right and I guess a lot of deaf people must have been watching the contest. The sign language thing seemed to work. Now if only Nuno had tried that...

Monaco
Oh Monaco, I take back every single thing I said about you before the show. I'm so sorry. I cannot believe it, perhaps I'm pregnant or something, but I was actually moved by this. I gave it points! (ok, one, but that's mainly because everyone was making fun of me) You've won me over.

Israel
Call me shallow, but... DAMN GIRL! How did she get her boobs in that dress?? How did she get those boobs, period!? Not too convinced about the colour of the dress, but ... well, there were boobs. And a very low-cut back. And is all this allowed in Israel? (Dana International... alright, I'll shut up) And she's blonde... how can she be blonde? Ah, but anyway. As I'm a sucker for Hebrew and nice Israeli ladies in erm... tight fitting dresses... I'm glad this one got through.

Belarus
Oh my, apparently there can be too much of a good thing after all. Is it the bombastic Army of Lovers dress? The horrid "naked"-suit she had on underneath? Her face? The fact that the she couldn't sing? I don't know, but it didn't come across to me, a camp-addict, like it should have.

The Netherlands
I was rather surprised to see Glennis not get through. I wasn't over the moon with the song, but I thought "the public" would be. Moreover, she sang well enough. Not as good as in the national final, but no-one knows that. Is it the slow-motion "dancing" moves she did as she sang "I'm breaking free"? The girlfriend thought she was trying to convey a message about giving birth with all the arm movements... I don't know what did it, but worse songs than this did get through to the final.

Iceland
Selma! Selma! What the hell were you wearing? Were those your pyjamas? What's with the gold? And where had the basses gone? The music was so low compared to the singing I could hardly hear it. This song and the dance routine just didn't come across on stage, which is a huge pity, it's still one of my favourite songs on the CD.
At this point, the Belgian flag I was waving broke. I think it was a sign.

Belgium
But onto my second flag!
Nuno (for I am on first-name basis with him of course) sang well (at least that's something) but the song was about as interesting as watching grass grow. One of the poofs remarked his eyebrows looked painfully plucked. There was no sparkly outfit (though we did spot heels), no interesting stage stuff going on (though I did feel he managed to "fill" the stage on his own... and not in the way Malta will in the final... ) and as far as ballads go, this wasn't the best one of the night. But still, it could have been a lot worse (thank god for Portugal!).

Estonia
"Outfits made by an esteemed Estonian fashion designer" our Guru commentator Anja Daems said. Now she's not known for her terrific ironic wit, so I'm going to have to presume she meant the Disney t-shirts you can buy in every C&A... What's the point of manufacturing a girl-band (with an early 80s madonna, a Christina Aguilera and three brunettes), when one of them can't sing to save her life and two of them don't do anything? They do get bonuspoints for the pretend-scratching though.

Norway
While this was good enough, it was a bit of a let-down for me. It lacked power. And facial expressions! Had the whole band gone for botox-therapy that morning or was it something they smoked? Their faces just seemed blank and that really bothered me. I hope it's better in the final, I really do. I do wonder what their rather bad position (right after another good up-tempo song) in the final will mean for the result.

Romania
Drums seem to be a recurring theme in this year's Eurovision. Oil barrels, real drums, anything to drum with or on. And again there were boobies. But this was a solid performance of a good song. Though perhaps we should disqualify them for use of "fireworky things" on stage? Go on, just for the hell of it. Let's see who's the poor bugger that came eleventh?

Hungary
Powerful dancing, made me think of Ruslana last year. Michael Flatley joined in, but since he'd gone bald I didn't find him nearly as annoying. The singing was a "bit" off (or a lot off in some places) but the song and especially the act are good, so that makes up for a lot.

Finland
As I'm preparing this review at work (hey, I'm allowed my lunchbreaks!) I discovered that there were only 24 countries and 24 songs I could remember (after much thinking...). I knew there was one missing, but which one. In my head I went through all the European countries I could remember, but none came up. I figured it must be one of the newer countries then, one I didn't learn about in school as being part of Europe. A phonecall the the Girlfriend, asking her to name all the countries that took part, reminded me... Finland was the missing country. And what was the song again... from the girlfriend's description ("boring, white suit, the hand...") I remember... "why". Well. I guess my forgetting about it says enough, doesn't it.

Macedonia
Huh? I mean. Huh? Why? Yes, he was cute. I already said that in my preview. The song, while not bad, was pretty average. The dancers were women. Slutty women. Very slutty. He couldn't dance (which was rather funny), neither could his male backing vocalists. Ok, there was a split, but it wasn't he who did it. I repeat... huh? Why him and not Omar? It's not fair I tells ya!

Andorra
Well, what a waste of a perfectly good song! You have these people where you only have to look at their face and you can tell what country they're from. Marian was one of those people. I saw her and screamed "Dutch". Awful dresses, though the gentlemen-dancers seemed to have a big fancrowd in my living room yesterday. Poofs with their mouths open, demanding a close-up of bare naked man-chest... which they never got. Add to that the fact that Marian sang about as bad as possible (and yet sounded so good on the CD... what a miracle of modern technology), and you just don't have a qualifier.

Switzerland
"why don't you kill me". Oh boy. Can these girls actually play guitar? I mean, I know they were miming, this is Eurovision after all, but can they play in real life? And what was with the "backing singers singing in the micropone of the lead"-thing. Nope. I didn't do a thing for me. Despite the high TATU-fake lesbian level.

Croatia
"Where are the sheep?" (to quote poof-to-my right), "he looks like Julio Iglesias" (poof further to the right), well, at least the country I have the hots for every year made it! But without the backing singers taking clothes off! When I heard this on CD, I thought Lado would be old, overweight ladies, hysterically waving their arms. Turns out they were young girls with bad Spanish dress-sense... They may have been likened to sheep in the first notes, but overall they did well. I liked this.

Bulgaria
Great. A whole contingent of contented poofs in my living room, singing along to "Lorraine in the fucking rain". "Isn't he cute", "he's hot". What the hell?! His ears stuck out a mile! That shirt! The song was dreadful! But oh no, some even insisted on giving this a 12. How superficial! (said the woman who couldn't stop gushing about Israel's boobs...) I feared for my sanity, but I'm so grateful this didn't get through.

Ireland
As avid readers (that means the girlfriend I guess...) might know, I was not a fan of Ireland. But well... look at the cutesy wutesy ickle boy!! Would you look at him! So cute! And the ginger hair! And the freckles! Made you want to pinch his cheeks and bend him over your knee for a good spanking! Cute! Cute! And Donna could actually sing live, what a voice. And the riverdancing was rather funny... as was Joe's dancing... which made him even more endearing (made him seem more of a 12-year-old). Though I didn't want to admit it, they won me over. I really really thought this would qualify.

Slovenia
Omar! What have you done to your hair! And why cover up your chest, I thought we came to an agreement about that?! No? Well, that just means you won't qualify. I still thought this was a good song, rather powerful. Though when the backing-mermaid came onstage (where the hell did she come from?), with her red-lipsticked-mouth open in an O, she really reminded me of a blow-up sex doll. Perhaps not what they were going for?
I voted for you Omar. In vain. But I still did.

Denmark
Right, while I'll admit that the backing singers' interaction with the lead was rather enjoyable, I really don't understand why this song got to the final. Did no one else hear what I heard? He sounded like Chip N Dale! (poof to the right) Was no one bored to bits? Honestly!

Poland
While this song didn't come across as powerful as I'd have liked or thought it would (though I'm happy they directed mullet-curly-man to the background "why don't you stand overthere with your hat and guitar, that'll look much better...a bit further down... further... excellent"), but I still thought it was more than good enough for a place in the final. Hell, this was my 12! I voted for this (as well, yes)! What's wrong with you people?? Was it the straight-acting? The ... you know, it'll be a mystery to me forever.
And ever.
And ever.

But Saturday's the big day.
And I have no fucking clue who will win. No idea.

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Oh no!

Poland!!
Slovenia!
Iceland!
Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
I don't think I'll survive. I cannot believe horrid Latvia got through! Oh my word... Kill me tonight.

Full report after work tomorrow. if I've recovered by then.

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Critics agree


"Belguim was dull and too old fashioned. It will pick up votes if a granny convention is in town watching."

" First eliminate the no hopers;Portugal (even worse than before), Bulgaria, Slovenia, Belgium, Macedonia"

We need a miracle.

But it could still work out ok. We could still get through to the final.
Hell, we could even still win the bloody contest!
Every other contestant could have food poisoning... then imagine the options!

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Books meme

That Littlemoose is a clever little witch isn't she... "I know something that 'll shut her up for a minute, I'll throw her a meme!"... tsk.

1)Total number of books owned?
I don't know... we've got two bookcases full, it's a bit difficult to count my books without sweetie's. A lot in any case. And then there's the cheap paperback kiddie's books that are at my parents ("babysitter's club" and the lot)

2) The last book I bought?
I think it's probably one by Sarah Waters, unless The Girlfriend claims that's hers and hers alone. In which case it would have to be a couple by Phillip Scott.

3) The last book I read?
I'm still reading Tipping the Velvet. Between work, entertaining the girlfriend, doing some stuff in the house and imitating a vegetable in front of the TV I don't get around to reading nearly enough these days. It's a bloody fantastic book though.

4) 5 books that mean a lot to me?
- Kartonnen Dozen - Tom Lanoye ("Cardboard Boxes"). This is pretty much the story of his youth, school, falling in love for the first time (coincidentally with another boy) and caused quite a stir in Belgium when it first came out (1991 or so). My parents had it, and I stole it from their bookcase one night when I couldn't sleep. I was way too young to be reading "grown up" books (11) but it mesmerised me. And then I became a lesbian. Muhaha!
- Kruistocht in Spijkerbroek - Thea Beckman. A children's book that I must have read dozens of times as a kid. She wrote very long stories in these very thick hardback books. A horror for kids who hated reading, but for those of us with a passion for it, it was brilliant, because it only counted as one book on your library card and it took you so much longer to read than an ickle, thin one.
- The Liar - Stephen Fry. Stephen Fry writes so beautifully it makes me feel like a small idiot slug. Ahem. A very powerful and controversial story, written with so much humour.
- The Wreaththu Trilogy - Storm Constantine. When I first read these books, they didn't do much for me, but after re-reading them when I got the "sequel" for Christmas, I was completely immersed in them.
- the Harry Potter books - simply because they provide me with thoughts about Severus Snape.

5) Tag 5 people and have them fill this out on their ljs:
I'm afraid most of the people I know are far too revolutionary to follow my tag-instructions so I'll just let them decide whether or not to pick it up. You're all welcome to it (I'm such a giver, aren't I?)!

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Eurovision Drinking Games

In my quest to unite even the most Eurovision-immune creatures in front of a TV set on Thursday and Saturday (and watching Eurovision of course), I've decided to go all the way. Even go so far as to lure them with alcoholism.
Many a time I've heard Australians utter the words "Eurovision drinking games", so I went and googled it.

This site hands out a giant list of rules, which are impossible to remember and seem somewhat out-dated. For example, "foreign acts sing in English" is not a criterium since that's just a little too easy (rather like "France sings in French"). I did like "If Greece gives Turkey any points then stop drinking!. This is very unlikely to happen so you must be veeeeeery drunk at this time. GO TO BED."
Very true indeed.

There is also this more recent drinking game that also makes note of the "sign language" and "dropping to knees"-habits.

But these two examples were just not satisfactory to me. I want to know what your drinking rules are. I know there's people out there that have them (I'm looking at you, Australian citizens), share them! I beg of you, we have a right to know.
I'll give the good example and propose "Croatian background singers lose clothes" and "last verse of song sung in English".

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Eurovision 2005 Semi-final
”Hi Piglet,
What's up? I've been avoiding your blog lately, due to my increasing
pathological disgust of all things Eurovision -- sorry about that :o)”

This is how the e-mail I got yesterday started, from a very lovely heterosexual man in Ireland, Eurovisioncountry of er… Europe. I was planning on replying “you silly bugger, my reviews were ages ago, it’s all safe now!” but then I realised it would be a lie. After all, only three days from now is the semi-final. Which means it’s high time for me to make my scoresheets (I cannot trust my guests to provide them), buy more booze and silent-when-chewed-foods, two videotapes, flags of random countries (preferably European) and of course to post my…. Eurovision Semi-final recap!!

“But Piglet, haven’t we heard this all before”. Yes, you have. Rather literally even. But since my last posts I’ve listened to the Official Eurovision CD once or twice constantly, and I’ve been able to cast an ear (can one cast “ears”?) on the “improved” versions of all the songs. So without further ado -and in case you missed it the first time- here’s the original review coupled with the “re-review”. Proof that I still have way too much time on my hands.


Eurovision 2005 


1. Austria: Global Kryner - Asi.
(the Global-thingie being the name of the band) I doubt you've ever heard a mix of Spanish, English and alpine music. No. I'm sure you haven't. The Girlfriend pukes instantly upon hearing it, but I'm a huge fan. Though I could have done without the yodelling.
See, I knew I'd get your attention one way or the other.
I'm hoping for lederhosen. Enough said.
Since listening to this on the CD, Le Feux and I (both huge fans at first) have to admit we’ve gotten rather sick of it. Of course, you only hear it once on Eurovision, but our plethora (oh boy) of friends who’ve had the CD inflicted upon them during visits (Piglet-and-Merlina mansion is no longer a safe haven!) were all equally destructive about it. So I’m afraid this might be a no-no. Then again, there is the drindl and the lederhosen. So that makes up for a lot.

2. Lithuania: Laura and the Lovers - Little by Little
So much for getting your attention, because this song immediately ruins it.
Written by two Swedes, we can only fear for another Swedish plot (ahem), but I don't think we have much to fear. It's got the typical Eurovision lyrics (though I've not spotted a "fire-desire" combination yet) and pop-light melodies.
And why does the lovely girl look like a vampiric zebra here?

Unfortunately my brain seems to have deserted me during the countless listens to the CD and I’ve grown to like this song. My semi-final Eurovision guests will therefore probably have to endure my singing along to it and actually supporting it. I do apologise.

3. Portugal - Amar
And feel free to sink further and further into your coma. "Amar" is sung in Portuguese/English (how very 2003), at least it is in the version I have here, by what looks like a very attractive gay boy and a "Gemma from Uk-nihil-points"-lookalike. Recepe for disaster?
Thankfully I still hate this song. Come on Portual, I don’t care if you send Rita bloody Guerra again, even that would’ve been better (said the woman who became a fan of Deixha Thingie two years after its release)

4. Moldova: ZDOB [shi] ZDUB -Boonika bate doba

Band names like this make you feel sad they only mention the country doesn't it. It would have been fabulous if every point-giver would have to pronounce this band. The English version of this title is "grandmamma beats the drum-a". Yes, the "drum-a". How close is Moldova to Jamaica?? I foresee "rappers-fingers", pointing, an elephant on stage and scary hats.
From what I’ve heard so far, there’ll be no elephants, but there will be a grandmother in a rocking chair, beating the drum-a. Which I would feel is at least as good. Perhaps they should have a palmtree- backdrop as well….

5. Latvia: Walters & Kazha - The war is not over
As if the title of the song isn't enough, the gentlemen are wearing suits made of carpets. Yes, carpets. It could be curtains. I'm willing to discuss it. Watch if you don't believe me. Despite the annoying sweetness of it all, the lack of pronouns ("someone is winner" - no sweetie, "the winner") and the carpet-suits... I think I quite like this. In an adolescent "let's change the world but not listen to the lyrics too much"-way.
And this just goes to show how much influence I have in the world that is Eurovision. These gents have taken my advice: they’re no longer wearing carpets (at least not in the rehearsals) AND they’ve changed the lyrics. The CD has them singing “the winner” and “the loser”. Honestly lads, good work. The gents have also decided to do the “sign language” thing, because they were probably too lazy to figure out a decent choreography. Unfortunately, probably because I’m not deaf and don’t know sign language, this song has lost its appeal to me.

6. Monaco: Lise Darly - Tout de moi
Hang on, this is "prenez soin de notre planète" again! Or not. You know, I really can't tell. On second thought I think this song is even more boring, sung by a less-good looking girl. I'm not sure if she'll sing it in English (with a heavy French accent) or in French (as the version I'm listening to now). In any way, I guess it can compete with our very own Belgian song for "most boring moment of the contest". Which is nice as well.
I rest my case, your honour. At last a song I still feel the same about!

7. Israel: Shiri Maimon - Hasheket shenishar
Unfortunately no castrate this time (boy did I love that guy when he shouted "everybody" in a deep voice, scaring me to death) but a blond lady. And not a single mention of "ava"! Never has a contest been as good for anyone's Hebrew as Eurovision... But I digress. The Blond Lady and her powerballad. Well, I'm a sucker for Hebrew so it's no surprise that I rather enjoyed this. Man, that language is sexy.

On another note, when the official website writes "the microphone was her first toy" as a quote about her, I can't help but think perverse thoughts. Is that just me or are you with me on that one?
Shiri has read the “Eurovision Handbook” and has since decided to sing the last verse in English “because it’s important that all of Europe understands what she’s singing”. How very 2003 of her.

8. Belarus: Angelica Agurbash - Love me tonight
Ah, a member of the "axis of evil" if you listen to Condoleezza (yes, she and I are on a first-name basis). Turns out the poor reactions to Boys and Girls ( but who can tell in Belarenglish) made the Belaruski choose a pretty average disco song for the same singer. Erm... well. Yes. Deen without the prominent beat, the toplessness (one hopes) and flaming queen. Tsk. Where's the point then?
Le Feux stands by his “bad Eurovision choice” theory, but I ‘ve started to love this. Well, it is a rather average disco song, after all, it’s right up my alley. Ideal for car rides on the motorway, singing fabulously flat, preferably in two voices (“ooh ooh oooh” vs “love me tonight”). Yeah baby! Give it to me!

9. The Netherlands: Glennis Grace - My impossible de-ream dream

It's powerballad two, the fourth ballad for the semi-finals and... it has its effect. During the National Finals I quite liked this song (though obviously Chastity was my favourite. Obviously) but after listening to it in the semi-finals order... well, it seems to have lost everything. It's just dull. Perhaps it's because I miss the wild hair, the golden dress or Miss Glennis herself, I don't know. Do pay attention to her "gangsta" English when she goes "De-ream" and "the-rown" instead of "dream" and "thrown". Got to love it.
Upon being inflicted with the Eurovision CD and hearing this song Sven, notorious in his pretend-Eurovision-hate (he’s a queen, it’s all relative), went “is Whitney Houston taking part?”. He even did the “hand thing” perfectly. If Glennis were to fall ill, I’ve already found them a replacement.

10. Iceland: Selma - If I had your love
And finally we're rid of the ballads (for now anyway)! Selma is back (Selma from 1999's second place, you cretins (yes, I had to look it up, my Eurovision obsession was only just starting then)) and she's brilliant. Or she will be if the act is good. Sure, the song's simple, repetitive, but this is Eurovision, people. This could go all "Xandee" or all "Diva", I honestly don't know. Oooh, the excitement of it all!
Oh Selma, the crappy sound system (if one can call it a “sound system”) in my car can hardly handle this song, that’s how much I love it.

11. Belgium : Nuno Resende - Le grand soir
Welcome back to tonight's most annoying ballad/wannabe-powerballad show. I'm Belgian, I'm allowed to be cruel about this. There are just no words. I've heard he's planning on wearing a suede carpet-patterned suit (this is becoming a theme), he's microscopically clipping his beard and he's going to have a sex change live on stage.
Ok, I made those last two things up (well... the beard... it could be). I have to invent stuff to make up for how boring this entry is. It's shameful. But! But! Since I liked last year's Xandee... rather loved it in fact... and horrible "things" like "Du Bist" (Austria) got higher than her, evil manufactured creatures like Sakis Rouvas even became third... well, in that view you could say that this song stands a great chance. The songs I like hardly ever do well, so that might be good news.
No?
Ah hell, he's Portuguese and singing in French, that should give us some votes (two).
The Latvians may have listened to me, Nuno hasn’t. There’s no act, a carpet suit, the beard and he’s gone and got himself a throat infection. That’s not the way to go sweetie. Ah well. I’m sure Le Feux’ and my version of this song will find its way on the net sometime and make the song into a cult hit. Ahem.

12. Estonia: Suntribe - Let's get loud
And this song should shake you awake again! It's the Estonian Spice Girls, singing Estonenglish and I love them. It's a catchy song (took two hours to write), they look about 16 and I foresee a funny dance routine (unless they fuck up by bringing instruments on stage. Yuck. Imagine that). The Girlfriend's not a fan, but she'll just have to learn to love it. I'll be playing it often enough.
There’s two songs that have girls (the singers) going “whooo” this year and this is one of them. It also still has me going “whoo”, but pretty much no-one else. Ah well. We can’t have it all.

13. Norway: Wig Wam - In my dreams
COME ON COME ON COME ON! LOVE IS ALL OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVER ME (over me)! It's on to this year's winner (unless I just doomed them) because this song is fan-bloody-tastic. Over the top 80s "rock" (think "The Darkness" and "Europe") with silver spandex trousers and top hats! Could this be any better? Well, they throw in some black lipstick as well. I rest my case.
Yes, well. Singing along to this may have already cost me my voice, but that won’t stop me. Do you think Norway would be a nice country to visit next year? Or should we look for somewhere else?

14. Romania: Luminita and Sistem - Let me try
Romania didn't send us a blonde bimbo this year but a sexy, sultry brunette with a load of men. It's erm... well. I don't know what it is. It's a ballad, then it's a cheap dance song and in between all this there's a panflute doing god knows what. (A panflute, yes) This is one of the "bad" songs that make Eurovision so very Eurovision. It should be good for much singing along and panflute-miming in my household, but that's about it.
Apparently Luminita brought a load of guys with drums with her (who hasn’t this year), but no panflute in sight. Bugger me.

15. Hungary: Nox - Forogj Világ

"Spin, world!- sweep me into the light,
Or I shall not live tomorrow!
Your wild night kills me -,
although it waits for me with a kiss..."
is what we'll be hearing (only in Hungarian, one would presume). A very Riverdance song (with a Riverdance-routine I heard) which should do well with the folkies. Since I'm a bit of a folkie, you won't hear me saying a bad word about it. Unless they decide to guest-star that idiot Michael Flatley, then all bets are (quite understandably) off. Hajnananana indeed!
No Michael Flatley and no instruments. Just a sexy singer (with very hot glasses, I do hope she’ll be wearing those on stage) and a load of dancers singing along, in the true spirit of Eurovision. This should do well.

16. Finland: Geir Rønning - Why
Wahey! Jari Silanpää will be giving the results of the Finnish votes this year. Let's hope he's wearing his cockring again this year. But Mr Rönning will probably do a tad better than good old Jari. It's another ballad (we haven't had one of those in a while, have we), but I, for one, like it. The Girlfriend is not convinced, asking "what the hell is that" from behind her laptop. It's Finland sweetie, Finland. It will need some mood-lighting to set the right atmosphere but it can't do any worse than say...the million other ballads this year.
Aargh. What the hell is that, indeed. No, I’m cured of my love for “why”, right now I’m once again in the “I don’t give a shit why, just move over to the next country”-phase.

17. F.Y.R. Macedonia: Martin Vucic - Make my day

First of all, why does Macedonia still call itself the "Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia". It seems like showing off to me. Unless they just do it to have people stumble over their words when having to say the name. Martin is the grandson of a famous bagpipe player. Well woohoo. Perhaps it should be the "Former Scottish Republic" then? Apart from the cute boy (on photo at least) there's not much to this song. And talk about lying when he says "I’m not the man to be/Your cuddly toy/I’m the boy/Who will break up with you/To be free". Lookatthecuty! Didn't your mummy ever tell you not to lie. Naughty boy!
Another one of the flip-songs. “Flip” because I’m not sure whether I like it or not. I like it more than I did when I re-read what I wrote about it, but then again I have to stick to “there’s not much to this song” as well.

18. Andorra: Marian - La Mirada Interior
It's big-boobed blondes time again in Andorra. And I'm sorry straight gents (who am I kidding?), no photo of her. You'll have to visit the official site for that. Marian (Van der Wal) is (visibly) Dutch (Glennis the second), but apparently sings in Spanish without a Dutch accent. Let's hope so. I like this song. It's ethnic-y, Spanish-y, threatening-y and a lot of other things. I hope they made the music a bit stronger than it is on the version I have, that would make the song even better.
And they made the music so “strong” on the CD the first notes make you think “Wild Dances” is taking part again. Piglet frantically reaches for the CD player, thinking she’s put the 2004 CD in, but no, it’s just Andorra. Yep, I still like it.

19. Switzerland: Vanilla Ninja - Cool vibes
Le Feux de Perrie can write books on "Vanilla Ninja" having been a massive fan of their Kungfu Club a while back (one year? two years?), which stranded in some national final. All four of them Estonian, they're one of those groups who enter every national final in Europe and don't really care which country they represent (an idea for Alcazar me thinks), as long as they can take part in Eurovision. Bless them. Sounds like a career choice for me as well, doesn't it. Their English is fabulous, you think they're singing about the first Gulf War ("Kuwait, why don't you kill me") then it turns out they're actually saying "cool vibes, why don't you kill me". Ah well. You can't have it all. Trashy, dressed in leather and simple, I'm obviously a fan.
I’m still a fan, but after hearing they’re taking guitars on stage with them I fear I might have to reconsider. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt though and not judge until I’ve seen the “act” for myself. Guitars mean no stripping, right? Pff…

20. Croatia: Boris feat. Lado members - Wolves die alone Vukovi umiro Sami

Aaaaaaack! My favourite country of past years sends an ugly man to Eurovision! What will they do about their traditional striptease now. Please, please don't do it!
Apparently Boris is one of the best Croatian pop composers. Whatever that may mean, composers should write songs and then have people with some charisma sing them. Can we agree to that? The choir (Lado?) tries to save this song, but to no avail.
Piglet is severely, severely disappointed in her sweet Croatia
Oh, do shut up Piglet-from-a-few-weeks-ago! Yes, even I make mistakes. The CD houses the Croatian title for this song and “vukovi umiro sami” not only sounds much better than “wolves die alone”, but it more than makes up for anything I wrote a few weeks ago. The hysterical women (who are much louder on the CD) behind Boris add some nice Greek drama and I find myself imagining I’m one of them. Now, where did I put my traditional Croatian outfit?

21. Bulgaria: Kaffe - Lorraine
Allow me to quote from this masterpiece:
“You’ve got to know that harder the rain, sweeter the pain
I can still remember, Lorraine, in the rain.
Calling you, again and again, I’ll wait for your name,
I can still remember Lorraine in the rain”
Need I say anything more?! Bulgaria sends Westlife, only with better lyrics! I think this should become a new Eurovision tradition. Like the fire/desire rhyme, the "completely rhyming refrains" (get it? get it?!) should become reason for a drinking game.
But I hope, sincerily, from the bottom of my heart, that this is the only thing that will ever remain from this poor excuse of a song.
Impossibly, this song is getting worse every single time I hear it. Oh the pain.

22. Ireland: Donna and Joe - Love?
According to the Girlfriend this sounds just like that crap song with the ugly bloke, the thin girl and the flowers from last year (some self-promotion always does well). No, not Malta, the horrid Linas and Simone with "what happened to our love". And just typing the title made sure I've got it on repeat in my head already. Urgh. I've heard they're "spicing" up the song, and if they do I think this might do well. The girlfriend is predicting a striptease during the instrumental. I think they should take it one step further and completely switch clothes. Drag on stage tends to do well.
My anonymous “I’ll have nothing to do with Eurovision for I loathe it” Irish source let me know that not only there’s NO clothes switch, there WILL be a bloody riverdance on stage. You know, that ‘s the kind of dance where they go “arms? We’ve got arms? Aaah, but who needs them!”, the ideal dance for victims of household-appliance-caused amputations. Perhaps Michael Flatley will make his guest appearance here after all… Word in “official” Eurovision circles has it that this song might actually be so bad that it’s good, which I fear could get them in the final. Urgh.

23. Slovenia: Omar Naber - Stop
.
And that picture should be enough to tell us that we'll be seeing Slovenia in the final.
It's classical ballad time. And if Omar (sweet, sweet Omar) sings this in Slovenian, I think I'll weep if this doesn't make it to the final. Yes. Yes. I like this. Oh go on! Laugh! You all did when I proclaimed my love for "Dajes mi kriiiiila" (Croatia, last year), but you're all singing along in the car when it comes on now! Aren't you! Aren't you!? (erm... well... maybe just Le Feux and The Girlfriend).
Where's the code to vote for Slovenia?!
Once again Piglet was the victim of the “I’ll change my song completely, but go on and review the previous version you silly Belgian bint”-disease. The first few times I heard the “rock” version on the CD I was saddened and disgusted. Now I’ve grown to like it. Oh, I’m a pushover, I’ll never deny that. And the boy is still cute, so that makes up for any possible wrongdoings he might have done towards me. It’s ok Omar, all is forgiven. Don’t forget to wax your chesthair though. Your survival might depend on it.

24. Denmark: Jacob Sveistrup - Talking to you
Hey! Hey! Bring back the Slovenian Sex god! I think Jacob might be in pain, he sure sounds that way. But who am I to judge. Having only heard this song in Danish, I can't say how catchy the English version will be. This song just doesn't set my loins on fire. I do apologise for the graphic description, but how else can I get my point across? It doesn't make me want to do anything other than stuff myself with crisps and go to the loo.
Nope, I still don’t get it. So much for my Honourary Danish Citizenship.

25. Poland: Ivan & Delfin - Czarna dziewczyna
"Ivan & Delfin met each other in the City Café club" the official site proclaims. It could be the story of how the Pet Shop Boys met, couldn't it. Only perhaps without the blatant homo-erotic undertones. Right. Where were we? Homo-eroticism, Eurovision, ah yes. Poland. Poland! Now I know what you're thinking when you see the photo, but don't. Don't. Give them a chance to find a stylist. Or two. Three perhaps. And then to strut their stuff on stage. Polish gypsy music in the Ukraine. It's enough to make an Oscar-winning film about. I love it.
If the stylists don't work out, perhaps just close your eyes while listening to this. Just don't bump into anything while dancing.
Unfortunately, there’s no stylist. They don’t have them in Poland apparently. But the song is still catchy and danceable, but that could just be the folkie in me talking again. It doesn’t matter. I’ll forgive them the mullets and the hat, for their gypsy song. It probably wouldn’t work in silver spandex glitter outfits anyway… pity.

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gran

My gran is going to a place of doom and despair nursing home soon. Well, as soon as someone dies I suppose. She's either had a small stroke, or she's just very depressed. The doctors aren't sure. Either way she can't stay at home. And since no-one in my family wants to take her in (she is rather dominant...), off it is to prison the nursing home. Right now she's staying in the hellhole where two other grandparents of mine died, so I hope she's out of there soon.
Since no-one will be living in her house ever again, they're putting it up for sale. She wanted everyone in the family to have as many "heirlooms" as possible, as opposed to having to sell them, so this morning we went to her house, probably for the very last time ever, to see what we wanted. What a creepy feeling. She's not dead and already we're splitting the inheritence. It all was rather decent. Rather. Well, it could have been a lot worse. There could've been knives and guns and shouting. As it was there was just a lot of "I'd like this" "oh okay". Also fitting how the people who visit her less, want the most. Made me feel like a thief. I got some >strike>stuff to put food on when people come over (no idea what this is in English, or Dutch. And no, it's not "plates") trays (thanks Littlemoose) and cutlery. Yep. That's my loot.

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We are socks, we're cheecky socks

Cheecky cheecky socks (I'm sorry for indulging in a bit of Ant and Dec-ness)

I've often blogged about socks.
Socks and the Girlfriend are a combination that has a long history. Now don't start with your pervy thoughts, she just likes to steal them. Or she used to. Steal them. Back when I lived with my parents and she spent the weekend with me, she hardly ever brought enough socks. On purpose. I'm sure of it. In fact, there's one pair of MY socks she still keeps for herself. They're in HER sock-box.. the "It's a hard job being sexy, but someone has to do it"-socks some of you might remember.
The problem this time, for I really must get to the point, is missing socks. Socks that used to be pairs, that now are single. Rather heartbreaking. For, rather like or unlike humans, socks really only have one perfect match. If you have patterned socks of course, not just plain ones. I have three single patterned socks now and not a clue where the other halves have gone to. Has the girlfriend stolen them for old times' sake and hidden them in the attic? Has she given them to the poor? Did the cats eat them? Do I have a stalker that steals them from the washing line? Perhaps I'll have to stripsearch people before they leave the house, just to be on the safe side... But in the mean time, I need three new pairs of socks. And something for the single ones .. I can't just chuck them out, can I?

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Timing

Car radio with Cd-player and nice bright pink lights.
Just in time for the reappearance of the horrid "HEBBES"-ad.

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Pride

It didn't rain as much as they said it would. Or at least not until we'd found our way safely back to the trainstation. I fear Dykes and The City AND the Girlfriend pulled a Baloo and ran for Fnac after watching the floats go by. Tsk. Amateurs I tell you! Amateurs! We only caught a very quick glimpse of the pink tie. What a disappointment.
The Girlfriend (mine then) now has a crush on a Drag King. She's such a girlie!

WJNH were their usual subtle self and threatened to pull kids from cabbages if we didn't get the right to adopt. Said cabbages smelt awfully and the whole thing sounded a lot like a kidnapping threat to me. I also noticed how fewer and fewer kids walk with them. What is that all about? Back when I first went to Pride (when there were 2500 people, as opposed to the 25.000 there were yesterday) we ALL walked with them. There was no "Lola-flavoured beer", hardly any drinking in the street (seemed like everyone was on a mission to get pissed yesterday, walking around with vodka bottles and beer cans) and not nearly as much sponsoring. The Gay Euro has been discovered big time!

Also, since this year is not an election year, it was interesting to see which political parties felt like showing up and which didn't. VLD sent ten people under umbrellas, so did the MR (who were AGAINST gay marriage and gay adoption, bloody hypocrites!), no sign of the NVA or the CD&V (unlike last year's charade), and a fairly big delegation of Groen and Spirit. Only Groen made sure their "celebs" were there, Spirit just called on their "footmen". I don't know about the SP-a, since I didn't see them, but I heard Kathleen Van Brempt was present. Miaow.

In the loos of Quick we found ourselves to be a minority again (although..) and overheard the toiletlady and a "local" discussing "us". The "local" said she was glad it was over and done with. The Toiletlady said "it" had always existed, but people didn't hide it anymore. Ah. Bless the toiletlady. Only afterwards her companion and her indulged in some homophobic comments. Charming. Interesting how Toiletladies think you're deaf cos you speak Flemish.

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Ela elaaaa ela elaalalaaaaaa

Cyprus goes out of their way to bring Turkey and Greece together this year. But hang on... this is not Eurovision Review time. I'm sorry, listening to the ESC CD has its effects on me.

For a few weeks now I've been driving around with only my radio for company in my car. Before that I had a tape player/radio. Ah yes, don't mock my very modern technology. Practically every CD I have has been put on cassette to play in my car during the numerous commercial breaks, news (I don't need to hear it three times during one car ride, thank you very much) and/or crap songs. The tapes are completely worn out and practically soundless in some places, but I guess that just adds to its charm. Unfortunately a while back my Eurovision 2004-cassette jammed in the player. And it's still bloody stuck there, no amount of pushing and pulling is helping. So last Saturday I bought a ... CD player/radio for my car. Can you imagine, real 1990s technology! (it's even a Sony) My car's going to the garage on Monday (and I get to take the Parents' PimpMobile to work, complete with three-CD-player-surround-sound-system) for a check-up and for the "installation" of said ultramodern soundsystem.
Already the girlfriend and I are arguing over which CDs I can take in the car with me ("no, you can't take Eurovision 2005! Take Pet Shop Boys!"). Who else gets the feeling I'll have to copy all my CDs just to stop the bitching?

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Pride

So who out there is willing and ready to freeze their arses off Saturday afternoon in Brussels? Yet again it is the time to fight for our rights in as little clothing as possible, while dancing to five different beats, getting out your pink umbrellas (or red with white polkadots in my case...) and forgetting about the rain. (Or in my case: become grumpy and cold, under said umbrella)
I'm sure I'll get to hear the "what a disgrace"-story about Pride at work. Along with the "shameful" and "not a good portrayal of homosexuality"-lecture. But fuck em. The Girlfriend has her heart set on walking with a couple of Agalev-dykes in drag (oh dear), so I'll oblige her. I'll even put a rainbow-smiley-pin on a bright pink T-shirt (under the five other layers of clothing I'll need).

And YOU?
How will I recognise you at Pride?

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Finally!



I have the CD!
And unfortunately... a lot of songs have changed from the ones I found on the internet. So I'll have to "review" my reviews.
I bet you're all looking forward to that! I know I am!

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Kiev 2005 -part 5

Don't fear, don't be scared, I'm back with the last 5 semi-finalists.
And I'm faced with a problem. A big one. I'm way too bloody early! Last year's rush left me traumatised. "Never again" I proclaimed, "never again!". Quite depressingly (or bigheadedly) I found last year's review hilarious when I re-read it this weekend and found this year's reviews to be sorely lacking... but anyway...
Now there's still 16 days left to the semi-final and here are all 25 songs! How are you lot going to remember everything for so long?!
You won't, it's not possible.
And then there's the finals as well. Perhaps I should've just started in January. Tsk. Idiot.
But what to do now. Perhaps I should delete everything and then bring it back the week of the 19th... to keep it fresh? Or I should... put it on daily repeats? One or two songs? No?
Aaagh. I'll figure something out.

- Bulgaria: Kaffe - Lorraine
Allow me to quote from this masterpiece:
You’ve got to know that harder the rain, sweeter the pain
I can still remember, Lorraine, in the rain.
Calling you, again and again, I’ll wait for your name,
I can still remember Lorraine in the rain.
Need I say anything more?! Bulgaria sends Westlife, only with better lyrics! I think this should become a new Eurovision tradition. Like the fire/desire rhyme, the "completely rhyming refrains" (get it? get it?!) should become reason for a drinking game.
But I hope, sincerily, from the bottom of my heart, that this is the only thing that will ever remain from this poor excuse of a song.

- Ireland: Donna and Joe - Love?
According to the Girlfriend this sounds just like that crap song with the ugly bloke, the thin girl and the flowers from last year (some self-promotion always does well). No, not Malta, the horrid Linas and Simone with "what happened to our love". And just typing the title made sure I've got it on repeat in my head already. Urgh. I've heard they're "spicing" up the song, and if they do I think this might do well. The girlfriend is predicting a striptease during the instrumental. I think they should take it one step further and completely switch clothes. Drag on stage tends to do well.

- Slovenia: Omar Naber - Stop
.
And that picture should be enough to tell us that we'll be seeing Slovenia in the final.
It's classical ballad time. And if Omar (sweet, sweet Omar) sings this in Slovenian, I think I'll weep if this doesn't make it to the final. Yes. Yes. I like this. Oh go on! Laugh! You all did when I proclaimed my love for "Dajes mi kriiiiila" (Croatia, last year), but you're all singing along in the car when it comes on now! Aren't you! Aren't you!? (erm... well... maybe just Le Feux and The Girlfriend).
Where's the code to vote for Slovenia?!

- Denmark: Jacob Sveistrup - Talking to you
Hey! Hey! Bring back the Slovenian Sex god! I think Jacob might be in pain, he sure sounds that way. But who am I to judge. Having only heard this song in Danish, I can't say how catchy the English version will be. This song just doesn't set my loins on fire. I do apologise for the graphic description, but how else can I get my point across? It doesn't make me want to do anything other than stuff myself with crisps and go to the loo.

- Poland: Ivan & Delfin - Czarna dziewczyna
"Ivan & Delfin met each other in the City Café club" the official site proclaims. It could be the story of how the Pet Shop Boys met, couldn't it. Only perhaps without the blatant homo-erotic undertones. Right. Where were we? Homo-eroticism, Eurovision, ah yes. Poland. Poland! Now I know what you're thinking when you see the photo, but don't. Don't. Give them a chance to find a stylist. Or two. Three perhaps. And then to strut their stuff on stage. Polish gypsy music in the Ukraine. It's enough to make an Oscar-winning film about. I love it.
If the stylists don't work out, perhaps just close your eyes while listening to this. Just don't bump into anything while dancing.

And then we can get started on the final... but not quite yet. I've still got to figure out a way to keep you entertained after all...

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It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing

What a crappy day.
Every person working at Juvinile Court seems to be on holiday (bloody bastard civil servants and all their days off). I got in too late (tired), amidst screaming telephones. Apparently my colleague (who's always late) was a tad earlier than me and had to leave her bag and coat in the kitchen to rush for the phone.
I tried to write a report, but nothing came to me.
Then the AllMale Heterosexual Manly Man came to work. He told us about the tiles he's changing on his terrace. Where to find a good cleaning lady (the other colleague doesn't want a "social case"... erm...) and the stuff he fixed on his car. He's willing to pay 50.000 Euro for a fence around his house (what is it? A fucking villa?!). All this interests me to no end, over dinner. You can imagine.

In the afternoon I got lost four times, while trying to find a house. Found it eventually, after phoning the person I was meant to be meeting. Argh. She moaned to me about how it's difficult when someone else comes than the usual social worker. (who comes all of twice a year, when she should be going four times). You think it's tough for YOU honey, try my side of things! I get calls about 30 files, in about 20 of those I've never met anyone or I'm still trying to decipher my pre-decessor's handwriting, my colleagues aren't really my "colleagues" since I'm only there on a month-per-month basis. I'm not part of the "team" so I'm basically meant to fend for myself. Anyway. Not to rant, not to rant. Then I drove 30 kilometres in blistering sun/rain/thunder/blistering sun/rain/thunder (cue Piglet taking her sunglasses on and off, and on and off), through pollen swimming (flying?) in front of my car, got lost, looked on map (three times), found the place I was meant to go to... to discover no-one was home.
AAAAAAARGH.
Who has a pencilpushing job for me? Anywhere?!

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Warning

Be vewy vewy quiet...
the cats are hunting flies.

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