Eurosong 2. The Sequel
With a bad premonition the Girlfriend and I -and a Duvelman in bondage, lured with the promise of Madagascar and naked lady-calendars- sat down for the second leg of the Eurovision preselection extravaganza.
The show "kicked off" with Casa Creola, a near-naked teenager in a very unflattering scrap of fabric, bringing a song by the infamous Mr(misters?) Paelinck. The Sweetie and I immediately screamed our outrage. Twice in a row Flanders sent a "Paelinck" song to Eurovision and twice in a row it erm... didn't really work. Does no-one get the hint here? Mr Paelinck told us that "if everything goes as normal, he had high hopes". Darling, if everything goes as normal, we're expecting a disaster. It was a song we've already heard 50 times at Eurovision (and that was only last year) with an even worse act. The girl reminded me of Piero who sang for Switzerland in 2004 and was so out of breath by the second verse that he slammed his microphone into his face. Even though these moments are some of the reasons I love Eurovision, it's not so funny when it's my country. So no, thank you. "Easy Esta Nothing" said the eloquent Duvelman, "3rd Rate Ibiza crap" was the girlfriend's verdict, and André "I'm not stuck up" Vermeulen took the opportunity to once again tell us how he's a big Barbara Dex fan and was pissed off at Pealinck for producing the song that went to Eurovsion two years ago, thus beating Babs. I knew it would not be the last time he said that.
Off to song number two, "Staah Academy" runner up Afi -she of the big nose and the long legs. And they're nice, those legs. I was very distracted by her Boobs however, they just sprang out of that vest (that she even unbuttoned at the end of her act, as if we hadn't seen enough flesh yet) and kept wiggling at me. They honestly did. The heterosexual cameramen then provided us with a shot of her arse in and out of those tiny hotpants. All very flattering and very sexy, but it made me fear that every contestant was going to be more naked than the one before them. What was next? Barbara Dex in Janet Jackson style nipple-clips, as the sweetie feared? Put on some clothes people, it's winter! Of course Johnny Logan didn't get much further in his commentary than "erm, you look really nice". The song? I really don't remember... there were boobies, and arse.
Tommy apparently has a lot of success with elderly ladies and poofs. Aah. Well, he is called Tommy after all. He pretended not to be into styling and to have put no thought whatsoever in his outfit. Lying little queen! He made Duvelman think of a pirate, me of a person with a tic disorder and André of a Little Drummer Boy. I won't delve into the mind of André Vermeulen... I'm afraid I'll be stuck there forever.
And then it was time for Barbara Dex, she of the "worst clothing award" who has grown balls and a fashion sense since her last Eurovision adventure. The woman can sing, I'll give her that. And although country ("cuntry" according to the sweetie because of Babs' continuous shaking with that part of her anatomy) is not my thing by far, it could do something (I don't know what exactly, but something) in Eurovision because it'll very likely be the only song in that genre. Babs sounded like she'd been on a diet of whiskey and fags and I was just impossibly glad she was wearing clothes. André positively glowed, as we expected him to.
Beatoxic were a group of teenagers who "beatboxed", handy if you're still a student and can't afford instruments. They did their best, wore meaningful t-shirts and were bitchy about the point of Eurovision. Tsk. A very sexy dyke yo yo-ing torches came onstage, they were young and did their best, but the best part of their performance was the trouble Johnny Logan had to not want to hurt their feelings by saying how much he hated their song.
Oh, and there was Els, De -fucking- Schepper. A firm mask of arrogance in place, promotalks for her theatre show (now playing in the Arendbergschouwburg), a hairdresser that seemed to have come straight out of "In de Gloria" ("she said, Pierre, I'm in for an experiment... and we went for it"), a clown's hairdo, lots of vocalising and an alltogether not bad song. Yasmine called it plagiarism and Johnny Logan called her Linda Martin on acid. Coming from Johnny I'm not sure if it's a compliment or not. As Els said "tsk, you don't honestly think I want to take part in Eurovision do you, I'm so much better than that", I just kept shouting "get the fuck off my telly!".
Finally, Roxane, one of the many women Duvelman professed he'd like to shag, as long as she kept her mouth shut... And I can see why, not much intelligent came out. Roxane was very scantily dressed (but then we're used to that) and performed something faux-lesbian. The lyrics were so unsubtle it made me blush, but I did enjoy her crawling over the stage. Shame she couldn't keep tune. Johnny complained the lesbianism didn't look real enough, and I for one agree. Faux Lesbians, phuh. Stealing jobs from real lesbians...
For those curious about all the promised naked flesh: here's some photos.
Ah, once again a very meagre show... I'm slowly giving up hope for Eurovision. What if it's me and I've gone off Eurovision? What if I don't find myself living for May anymore? Will I join the herds of politically correct-musiclovers and denounce Eurovision forever? Or will I find my love for Eurovision back? Next week? Oh please...
I'm too old for identity crises, dammit!!
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With a bad premonition the Girlfriend and I -and a Duvelman in bondage, lured with the promise of Madagascar and naked lady-calendars- sat down for the second leg of the Eurovision preselection extravaganza.
The show "kicked off" with Casa Creola, a near-naked teenager in a very unflattering scrap of fabric, bringing a song by the infamous Mr(misters?) Paelinck. The Sweetie and I immediately screamed our outrage. Twice in a row Flanders sent a "Paelinck" song to Eurovision and twice in a row it erm... didn't really work. Does no-one get the hint here? Mr Paelinck told us that "if everything goes as normal, he had high hopes". Darling, if everything goes as normal, we're expecting a disaster. It was a song we've already heard 50 times at Eurovision (and that was only last year) with an even worse act. The girl reminded me of Piero who sang for Switzerland in 2004 and was so out of breath by the second verse that he slammed his microphone into his face. Even though these moments are some of the reasons I love Eurovision, it's not so funny when it's my country. So no, thank you. "Easy Esta Nothing" said the eloquent Duvelman, "3rd Rate Ibiza crap" was the girlfriend's verdict, and André "I'm not stuck up" Vermeulen took the opportunity to once again tell us how he's a big Barbara Dex fan and was pissed off at Pealinck for producing the song that went to Eurovsion two years ago, thus beating Babs. I knew it would not be the last time he said that.
Off to song number two, "Staah Academy" runner up Afi -she of the big nose and the long legs. And they're nice, those legs. I was very distracted by her Boobs however, they just sprang out of that vest (that she even unbuttoned at the end of her act, as if we hadn't seen enough flesh yet) and kept wiggling at me. They honestly did. The heterosexual cameramen then provided us with a shot of her arse in and out of those tiny hotpants. All very flattering and very sexy, but it made me fear that every contestant was going to be more naked than the one before them. What was next? Barbara Dex in Janet Jackson style nipple-clips, as the sweetie feared? Put on some clothes people, it's winter! Of course Johnny Logan didn't get much further in his commentary than "erm, you look really nice". The song? I really don't remember... there were boobies, and arse.
Tommy apparently has a lot of success with elderly ladies and poofs. Aah. Well, he is called Tommy after all. He pretended not to be into styling and to have put no thought whatsoever in his outfit. Lying little queen! He made Duvelman think of a pirate, me of a person with a tic disorder and André of a Little Drummer Boy. I won't delve into the mind of André Vermeulen... I'm afraid I'll be stuck there forever.
And then it was time for Barbara Dex, she of the "worst clothing award" who has grown balls and a fashion sense since her last Eurovision adventure. The woman can sing, I'll give her that. And although country ("cuntry" according to the sweetie because of Babs' continuous shaking with that part of her anatomy) is not my thing by far, it could do something (I don't know what exactly, but something) in Eurovision because it'll very likely be the only song in that genre. Babs sounded like she'd been on a diet of whiskey and fags and I was just impossibly glad she was wearing clothes. André positively glowed, as we expected him to.
Beatoxic were a group of teenagers who "beatboxed", handy if you're still a student and can't afford instruments. They did their best, wore meaningful t-shirts and were bitchy about the point of Eurovision. Tsk. A very sexy dyke yo yo-ing torches came onstage, they were young and did their best, but the best part of their performance was the trouble Johnny Logan had to not want to hurt their feelings by saying how much he hated their song.
Oh, and there was Els, De -fucking- Schepper. A firm mask of arrogance in place, promotalks for her theatre show (now playing in the Arendbergschouwburg), a hairdresser that seemed to have come straight out of "In de Gloria" ("she said, Pierre, I'm in for an experiment... and we went for it"), a clown's hairdo, lots of vocalising and an alltogether not bad song. Yasmine called it plagiarism and Johnny Logan called her Linda Martin on acid. Coming from Johnny I'm not sure if it's a compliment or not. As Els said "tsk, you don't honestly think I want to take part in Eurovision do you, I'm so much better than that", I just kept shouting "get the fuck off my telly!".
Finally, Roxane, one of the many women Duvelman professed he'd like to shag, as long as she kept her mouth shut... And I can see why, not much intelligent came out. Roxane was very scantily dressed (but then we're used to that) and performed something faux-lesbian. The lyrics were so unsubtle it made me blush, but I did enjoy her crawling over the stage. Shame she couldn't keep tune. Johnny complained the lesbianism didn't look real enough, and I for one agree. Faux Lesbians, phuh. Stealing jobs from real lesbians...
For those curious about all the promised naked flesh: here's some photos.
Ah, once again a very meagre show... I'm slowly giving up hope for Eurovision. What if it's me and I've gone off Eurovision? What if I don't find myself living for May anymore? Will I join the herds of politically correct-musiclovers and denounce Eurovision forever? Or will I find my love for Eurovision back? Next week? Oh please...
I'm too old for identity crises, dammit!!
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